i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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