Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
