please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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