nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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