Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
