Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
