you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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