so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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