You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
