I think I died a long time ago.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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