Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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