if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
