how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
