My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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