Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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