quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
