i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
