is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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