That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Holy shit dude........stairs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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