I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
