can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
