Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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