I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
