I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude i'm inner monologue high
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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