I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
