We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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