Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
