Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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