hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
