its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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