Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
