Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
