You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
