why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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