My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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