I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
