Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
