did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
