How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
