Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
