There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
