i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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