is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
