im six kinds of drunk right now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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