Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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