this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
