my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
