It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
