Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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