Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
